I just realized I haven’t been going to the church for the past one month. It’s always sleeping late that is the main cause. And when it’s morning time, I’m too tired to go to church. Going to church seems to be more of a chore these days unfortunately.

Christian cross

Many times I tell myself if this thing happens my way I’ll go to church coming Sunday. I’m just lying. I didn’t get up week after week. My mom is mad at me but I can’t be bothered with her anger. And that’s because I want to be able to choose. I am still that kind of person that would like to choose different paths. Even for religion, sometimes I thought about trying other religions. Or perhaps not having one and see how its like.

A few stronger Christians talked to me about this. But I think they don’t really get my point. Their point is Christianity is the true religion kinda thing and you cannot sin and worship other Gods. But my point is what if it isn’t. Quoting the bible which is not really the best form of argument.

I heard the God is great, God is good. But I can’t help but to think what if we’re wrong. What if the God is this being that is destructive, hateful and is simply around to mess up over lives. And this God, with him being evil and all, is the being that we should worship. I have many what-ifs.

Unfortunately, I don’t get good answers. I get answers like, “No, God is all good.” They get very defensive but sometimes I just want an open discussion. Be open, explore and think a little. Why can’t they be a bit more open to discussing this.

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